87. Part 5 of the Inquiry’s final report, Whanaketia – Through pain and trauma, from darkness to light, sets out the significant, pervasive and lifelong impacts that abuse and neglect in State and faith-based care had on survivors’ physical and mental health, emotional wellbeing and spirituality, identity and cultural identity, education and employment opportunities.

88. Takatāpui, Rainbow and MVPFAFF+ survivors experienced many impacts from the abuse and neglect they were subjected to, including experiencing mental distress, post-traumatic stress disorder, suicidality, poor physical health, becoming involved in relationships that became violent, interactions with the criminal justice system, addictions and substance abuse. There were other impacts they experienced specifically related to their sexual orientation or gender identity. Survivors spoke about the way homophobic abuse impacted their self-worth and feelings of safety about their identity.

89. As one survivor said:

“In terms of impact from the church who mention homosexuals in the same breath as child sex abusers and people who abuse animals, I was suicidal from the age of about 16 to when I left home and for a year afterwards ... I couldn’t see myself living past my mid-twenties because of the amount of hurt inflicted on me.”[76]

90. Some Takatāpui, Rainbow and MVPFAFF+ survivors experienced gender dysphoria[77] and intimacy avoidance (also known as a fear of intimacy that is essentially a fear or relationship anxiety about having an extremely close physical or emotional connection with another person).[78]

91. Several Takatāpui, Rainbow and MVPFAFF+ survivors told the Inquiry about hiding their sexuality for fear of discrimination. They also indicated that this fear, combined with societal prejudice and discrimination they faced, could have ongoing impacts on their emotional wellbeing. Survivor Craig Watson said he kept his sexuality secret for a very long time. His feelings of shame and guilt led him to deny his sexuality and his attraction to other men:

“I just continued to suppress my attraction to the same sex, deal with that on an internal way … it was a dirty secret, something dirty. And I just became a liar, a really good liar, I just would do all these things that made me look straight and masculine.”[79]

92. The lack of understanding and education about sexuality within care settings impacted Takatāpui, Rainbow and MVPFAFF+ survivors’ understanding of how a healthy relationship works. NZ Pākehā survivor Denise Caltaux, who spent time in Kingseat Psychiatric Hospital in Karaka and other mental health care settings, said:

“I have been coerced into abusive situations and relationships many times over the years. I would have loved to have a healthy, loving relationship, and had I received some education on sex and sexual orientation, I may have been able to navigate some of these situations better.”[80]

Impacts of faith-based attitudes and discrimination

93. Survivors of faith-based care told the Inquiry that homophobia and traditional gender expectations within the church affected their feelings of self-worth. As one survivor said:

“For me it’s important the churches hear this, that they know the shit that they have put us through and the fucked-up lives we now have – or we struggle with I should say; we’ve got great lives. But they just get to sit in their little ivory towers and get to carry on with their little lives.”[81]

94. Survivors also told the Inquiry that the emotional impacts of losing family and friends are long-lasting. One survivor talked about the threat of excommunication and separation from the church, community and family:

“Here’s a list of things you can be excommunicated for – suspicion of having sex with someone [you’re] not married to in a heterosexual relationship; if I went to a friend's house for a sleepover, and that friend was gay, I could be excommunicated because they think that if you spend the night together, then you are guilty of immorality; participating in a Pride March; for publicly identifying as a Rainbow person; for socialising with someone who has been excommunicated including family members; for what they call ‘cross-dressing’ which is what they call medically or socially transitioning as a trans person; for supporting your Rainbow child.”[82]

95. Colonisation and the adoption of Christian beliefs and practices into Māori and Pacific societies brought with them negative attitudes and discrimination against people with diverse sexual orientation and gender identity.[83] For some Takatāpui and MVPFAFF+ survivors, this has compounded the impacts of abuse and neglect in faith-based care where their families remain deferential to the church.

96. In a talanoa, the Inquiry heard about the barriers experienced by some Takatāpui and MVPFAFF+ survivors in expressing their intersectional identities within their own communities:

“Oh, it’s all right if you’re fa’afafine, but it’s not alright if you’re gay.”

“But we both have a male partner.”

“Oh yeah, no, but you’re different.”[84]

Impacts of conversion practices

97. Survivors spoke of the impact of experiencing conversion practices:

“We have been subjected to practices that seek to ‘convert’ us. These are much broader than what is covered in legislation, and includes treating sex, sexuality, and gender diversity as abnormal, unnatural, wrong – and something we can change if we want to. This has involved extreme physical abuse, but also much more subtle practices to undermine our dignity, autonomy, and rights to self-identify.”[85]

“I really believe that churches need to make reparation to the Rainbow community – we need proper psycho-social support for people who have been through conversion practices and have been through this type of harm.”[86]

98. Mr UB, a Rainbow MVPFAFF+ survivor and expert witness, told the Inquiry that, as a Māori and Tongan fakaleitī, he survived two instances of conversion practice – one that was initiated by the church and the other that was initiated by his school. [87] In the first instance, he was made to attend a counselling session where “a discussion was had about the incompatibility between being gay and the beliefs of the church”.[88] Mr UB also shared his views about the impact of religious attitudes to his identity and his relationships with his family:

“For years I didn’t have a frame of reference where I could consider a relationship between being Pasifika and gay. In the anga fakatonga as taught in my family, being gay and being Pasifika were not aligned to the point I was told to expect abuse and hell.”

“These organisations [the church and school] attempted to convert me away from my identity by isolating me and confronting my self-actualisation. This isolation decimated the Pacific idea of the person being connected to others as the lifeforce that helps us understand our place and value in the world. This is a simple, yet foundational, consideration that is unique to Pacific people.”

“It taught me that Christianity is unwilling to entertain the idea that rainbow people are worthy recipients of God’s love. My family’s unwillingness to prioritise my story over their faith (as well as their long-standing abuse) led to the disintegration of the superficial relationship I previously had with them. I have no relationship with my remaining parent.”[89]

Footnotes

[76] Moyle, PC, “As a kid, I always knew who I was”: Voice of Takatāpui, Rainbow and MVPFAFF+ survivors, An independent submission to Royal Commission of Inquiry into Historical Abuse in State Care and in Care in Faith-based Institutions (Te Whāriki Research, July 2023, pages 20).