I started getting into a bit of trouble in my early teens, probably because of who I was hanging out with. I was breaking into the odd car, and I came to the attention of the police. Instead of going to court, they organised community service work for me at Brother McGrath’s house – gardening and other chores.

A lot of skinheads were hanging around at Brother McGrath’s house, huffing and sniffing petrol or glue. They were around 15 to 17 years old, a bit older than me.

I was out in the garden and Brother McGrath called me into the office. He started off being nice, then turned bad, and made me put his penis in my mouth. I was completely shocked, but Brother McGrath just dropped me home afterwards as if nothing had happened. He told me he worked with the police and if I said anything about what he’d done, then I’d be put into the boys’ home. I didn’t tell my parents, because I didn’t think they’d believe me anyway.

I had to keep going to Brother McGrath’s house. The second time he called me into the office, he sodomised me. He threatened me again, saying if I told anyone what had happened, that he was in with the police, and no one would believe me.

I left the property after I was raped. I remember walking down a road. My underpants had blood in them. I ripped them off and threw them away. I had no idea if the police were going to come looking for me, but nothing happened – I didn’t get called back to do more community work.

After the rape by Brother McGrath my life deteriorated. I pretty much left home, joined up with skinheads and started sniffing glue with them. I ended up becoming a drug addict. I did a stint in the Kingslea Secure Unit after gate-crashing a party with members of a gang. Everyone else was older than me so they were arrested and held in police custody, whereas I was admitted to Kingslea. Although I was only there once, my life continued to get worse, and my offending got more serious. I went to prison a couple of times. Drug and alcohol abuse are still a problem for me.

The abuse by Brother McGrath has made me hate the church. I’ve hated people in authority for years. For many years, I hated the police, but now I’ve realised it’s probably not so much their fault.

My ability to trust people has been completely broken. I have difficulties with personal relationships – every relationship I’ve had has failed miserably because of trust issues, and because of my abuse of drugs and alcohol.

I have trouble sleeping and lots of nightmares, as well as flashbacks to the abuse. Sometimes I’ll be driving up the road where the house was, and I’ll get really, really angry.

Because of the abuse, I haven’t been able to hold down jobs for very long. I start getting angry at people for no reason.

I’m estranged from my parents. In some ways, I blame them for the abuse because they were part of sending me to Brother McGrath. I’m over-protective with my own children – always worried about them.

I’ve agreed to contribute my story because it’s important to me that people who have been abused get proper compensation and services to help us get ahead in life.

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^[201] Witness statement of Mr ES, WITN0734001 (Royal Commission of Inquiry into Abuse in Care, 8 November 2021).